Looking back

We are almost at the 8 month mark and I have seen so many babies born recently and am overjoyed for all these new parents and the adventure that is beginning!

I'm seeing a lot of beautiful posts and stories. All of these babies and their parents in their hospital room, visitors coming and going in big groups. Walking the halls pushing your baby as your nurse encourages you to get up and moving. (after you pushed a watermelon out of you, really!?) Up at 2am to your baby crying, daddy picking him up and bringing him to you in your hospital bed. Leaving after a couple days and ready to start it all at home.

But I can't help but envy these stories as this was not our beginning. I know that we did not have (BY FAR) the worst scenario but every time a new healthy baby is born I think about their experience. Rather than being in our hospital room most of the time, we actually rarely even saw our nurses and didn't interact with any parents in the rooms next to us. Rather than having groups of overjoyed family and friends coming to see us, we had a few close family member come but only one at a time. Rather than walking the halls with our baby, we walked many halls every 2 hours to get from our room to Bryson's NICU pod. We were up at 2am but listening to other people's babies next door crying and being soothed and then walking down 2 stories to get our baby, not knowing if he cried since the last time we saw him. Holding him but not too far from his bed because the wires were so many. Not knowing when we would be able to leave and looking at the monitor every 3 hours to see if we were closer to going home.

Even through all that- I wouldn't change a thing. 

God wrote our story and although parts of it were heart breaking, I am staring at our miracle baby right now sleeping as I type this. While we didn't get our normal 'experience' at the hospital, we got one part the same- we went home with our baby.

How can I ever look back and wish anything was different? As I work alongside Owl Love You Forever (an organization that helps support women in the hospital after they miscarry or have still births www.owlloveyouforever.org), I think of how heartbreaking their story is but how I have to believe God is writing their story in that way for an even greater reason than my own story.

I think about Bryson's birth story every.single.day. I look at him, even in the difficult moments and think, but at least he is here and well. God is good. SO good.